27th BLOG POST -->>
I'm just really not happy. Everytime heart cannot be cheerful
and happy. My heart wasn't in a mood today..It made me sad..I don't know why I
remembered all those pasts which I have already forgotten and want to forget. Today,
I felt these words in my life- Kehne ko saath apne ek duniya chalti hai, par
chupke is dil mein tanhai palti hai.. normally don't feel loneliness. In
college I'm enjoying my life.. There is so much to do here in this college..I'm
enjoying a lot..I utilize my each day here and try to learn something and know
something more..I try to add something in my mind.. I remember when this
evening, I went to Ratan's Dhaba , I was feeling terrible. I was feeling lonely
and that made me remember the worst person of my life with whom once I shared
the most beautiful moments. but ankur asked about then i was not possible to
continue these memories.Its not whom I love or any girl …..Dont worry.. I was
trying to concentrate on different things.. That was the time i take two glass
of tea with Ravi, Niranjan, Abhishek and Ankur. ..just to be in
myself and don't disturb myself with the thoughts which are going to put me again
in depression..
But today , again I felt the same
blind environment around me..I wasn't thinking of that person today but
something else was taking off something from me. .I was feeling like something
is going away from me..I don't know what..I was feeling like this is the last
day of my good times and from today my bad time has started.. Im very much
worried..What made me so sad and puzzle.. I don’t want this type of thoughts to
be passing in my life because they slow down my speed of living happily.. 16th &
17th January has been the first bad day of this year 2012 for me and
after that was 1st December also.. I hope no other day come this way
again.. I was remembering what all I thought for the whole day which made my
heart sad and slow down but didn't found the victim of this.. God, my life is hell... I'm tired of
being treating like a piece of crap by people who say take care.. I just really
don't know what to do anymore.. Humanity has disappointed me.. My friends has
disappointed me.. I'm just sick of being let down. I'm beginning to feel like
people make the commitment but then they think I'm not worth it so they quit on
me. I just don't understand why people who say they care feel the need to harm
me. I'm tired of being hurt…
But one thing sometimes that comes
in my mind that special one in mind then I'm really hurt. I'm beginning to
think it's beyond repair… It's really impossible to be positive right now when
everyone who you thought supported you is now trying so hard to tear you down…for
that special one in my mind these lines come:
“I shall pass my life With support of one memory
OF unfaithful!I shall take you off my heart
I thought your love To be my life
It was my mistake And your unfaithfullness
You were unfaithful But I won't be sad
Heart had to break,so it did
Why should I lament?
Your deceptive promises Have passed through my heart
My dreams scattered even Befor they could take shape
The tears flowing from my eyes Shall say
That I won't remain drowning
In the whirlpool of grief...”
Above these lines are the part of a
bollywood songs… I need to find another outlet. Another source of life -
somewhere that makes you feel like you're living your life completely and
comfortably, the way you want it to be. Nothing can ever be perfect and if
something isn't working out, sometime the answer is to move onto something else
and find a different source to focus your energy on.
No tension..I'm going to sleep just
after this blog and have decided not to wake even a single second after posting
up this blog..Will wake up tomorrow with a fresh mind and will work accordingly
as planned.. This is the first time in 3.5 years that Im not feeling to study
while the exams are going on..I don't know why Im taking this exam so
innocuously even when I know that this is an important exam..God give me
brain...
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